Two days, two posts

It seems wise, before we get too deep into the rest of the Fall season (and, to my horror, a good bit of summer, as well!) to take note of the shows I decided not even to try.  If I’m honest, it’s hard to see much that they have in common, aside from my not being in the mood to see them when they aired.  

Seasoned Television is Important readers know what "SimonBakers" are:  a one-to-five scale, measuring my disapproval for a show I don't watch.  One SimonBaker means "I sort of wish I had had time to watch that."  Five SimonBakers means "you would need to pry my eyes open with toothpicks to make me watch that."  Instead of discussing their Premise and Promise, I discuss their premise and my prejudice against them. 

With no further ado, here are some 2016 Summer and Fall SimonBakers:

Feed the Beast (ABC, new Summer 2016.  Drama.) (Canceled after one season.): Three SimonBakers.

Premise:  Two friends navigate the corrupt underbelly of the Bronx as they try to turn their lives around by opening an upscale Greek restaurant.

Prejudice: Opening a restaurant is, short of actual criminal activity, the worst idea for “turning your life around” ever.  And “corrupt underbelly” is one of my least favorite environments to watch.  I assume it was a bunch of men making excuses for being terrible people.

The A Word (Sundance, UK show, new to US Summer 2016. Drama.) (Will be returning for a second season.): Two SimonBakers.

Premise:  A dysfunctional family raises an autistic son. 

Prejudice:  I couldn’t tell from the ads whether this was supposed to be funny or not.  I presume it was meant to be poignant.  I was put off by promos featuring Christopher Eccleston.  But for all I know, it turned out to be charming and poignant, or whatever it wanted to be.  I just wasn’t up for something that might turn out to be maudlin.

Queen Sugar (OWN, new Fall 2016.  Drama.)  (Will be returning for a second season.): One SimonBaker.

Premise:  Two successful women move back to the heart of Louisiana to run a sugarcane farm and deal with family drama.

Prejudice:  I kept thinking I was going to watch this.  Perhaps I still may.  But it always crept to the end of my viewing priorities, for reasons I can’t quite explain.  I think it was because, much like The A Word, I couldn’t wrap my head around the show’s intended tone:  I couldn’t tell whether it was going to be a story of hard-fought struggle and redemption (yay) or a soap opera (boo).  And I was never in the mood for something I couldn’t predict.  But if it’s the former, surely I am its target market.  I’m still interested in coming back to it. 

Quarry (Cinemax, new Fall 2016.  Historical crime drama.) (Future unknown.): Two SimonBakers.

Premise:  Vietnam vet returns to the US and, through an ironic turn of events, becomes a contract killer.

Prejudice:  I watched the first half hour of this before quitting, but I feel justified in giving it the unwatched treatment, because nothing of interest happened in the half hour I saw.  The whole mood felt macho and sad, and I wasn’t into it.  It’s funny, I really enjoyed Hap & Leonard, and this could have been similar.  But where Hap & Leonard was pulpy and noirish, this looked bleak and morose.

Bull (CBS, new Fall 2016.  Lawyer procedural.) (Likely to be renewed.) Four SimonBakers.

Premise:  A jury consultant helps clients strategize to get the verdicts they want.

Prejudice: SimonBakers are named after my ignorant distaste for the very idea of The Mentalist, and I feel exactly the same way about Bull as I did about that one.  We might as well re-name SimonBakers Michael Weatherlys (although we won’t). There are so many things wrong with this idea, from my standpoint.  First, it’s based on Doctor Phil’s career.  Second, it’s a law show.  But third, and most importantly, it’s a cynical law show that seems to glorify manipulation of the system. Bonus observation:  after a colleague described an episode to me, I realized that a viable law exam format could be “identify all of the things that are legally wrong with this episode of television [described here] and explain why they are wrong.”

No Tomorrow (CW, new Fall 2016.  Dramedy.) (Future unknown.) Two SimonBakers.

Premise:  A young woman gets involved with a free spirit who predicts an imminent apocalypse and encourages her to chase her dreams.

Prejudice:  The whole thing seemed so unrelentingly cheerful and “quirky” in the ads that it put me off.  I love quirkiness when it happens naturally, but when it’s engineered or forced, I find it tiring.  I just didn’t see the appeal.  It might be very entertaining—I might not know what I’m missing—but I didn’t feel like I needed to see.

Pure Genius (CBS, new Fall 2016.  Medical procedural) (Canceled.) Three SimonBakers.

Premise:  A Silicon Valley billionaire and a maverick surgeon operate a cutting-edge hospital to provide free treatment for rare and incurable diseases.

Prejudice:  Any show description that includes the words “billionaire” and “maverick” and tells me the leads will “clear out the bureaucracy of medicine” is probably doomed, where I’m concerned.  I expected a heady mix of self-congratulations, techno-utopianism, and emotional manipulation that sounded deeply unappealing.

On the metaphorical DVR:  SO! MUCH! MORE!